walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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