if i can run in heels then i can drive
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
