i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
