My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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