This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
