Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
