I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
