I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
