Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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