Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
