I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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