put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
