whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
