she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
