Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
