Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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