I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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