I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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