The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
