Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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