I wannas sexs uuuuu
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
