Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Randomize
