i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
