Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
