Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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