I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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