The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize