I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
