I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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