I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
