I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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