grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
