I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
