So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
