Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
