im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
