He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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