All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
