My sheets look like a crime scene.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
