I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
