Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
