I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
