You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
