She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
