He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
