In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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