i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
