So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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