I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
