just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
