Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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