Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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