So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You work out of a Hotel?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
