let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
