I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
