Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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