My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
