Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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