I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
