How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
zippers are such a cool invention
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
