Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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