U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
