Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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