You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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