Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
