dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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