Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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